Plotting, planning, praying, dreaming

Hello there 2017! Welcome! I’ve been waiting for you with an expectant heart and a whole lot of hope for the beauty that will unfold in the next 365 days. Well, 364 days now I guess.

Exactly one year ago today I posted my 2016 goals and wow, does that feel like a long time ago. In a way, it feels like it’s been three years because every 4 months, my life changes and starts a new chapter. It’s hard to believe that this summer, 1st year and this past semester have all shared a year. And what a year.

Out of those three chunks, summer was definitely my favourite. Although I won’t be returning to camp this year, the memories and connections I made on Beausoleil will be carried with me forevermore; I am so grateful to have been a part of the magic that happens on Kitchi sands, one last time. Whenever I think about those months I can’t help but smile and for that I am grateful.

On the other hand, this past semester was a very challenging season for me. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t enjoying school. At all. My professors were nearly all terrible teachers who really didn’t care about the subject they were instructing and I just became so disillusioned with my education. My grades fell below the standards I hold myself to and I found myself often questioning why God had me in such a place. Other aspects of life were great; I enjoyed my new job, made some new friends, and joined the executive of a club. But school became a source of frustration, discontentment, difficulty and a sense of futility. It took me a while to be okay with saying “this semester wasn’t great”. Because my life wasn’t totally falling to pieces, I didn’t feel like I had a right to be frustrated. Honestly though I have never wanted a semester to end more in my life.

Now that I’m out of it though it’s really cool to look back and see where God was in all of it. It wasn’t a fun season but I’ve grown from it for sure. My statement that “my identity is found in God and not my grades” was put to the test. I learned to trust Him more, to remember that in all stages, His plan is greater and He is still God. I learned to be still and content in every season. And I realized that sometimes I will do everything “right”, put in the work and still have things not work out; and that’s ok.

SO

2017

A new semester.

A summer coop.

My first solo travel.

A fresh start.

And a whole lot of unknown.

It would be easy to stay frustrated going into second semester but I actually feel so refreshed and hopeful for what is to come. One bad semester does not mean development isn’t what I’m meant to be doing. One bad semester does not mean I can’t learn Arabic. One bad semester is a learning experience that is going to STAY confined to ONE semester.

So now I turn to planning. I turn to praying and asking God what He wants my year to look like. I start plotting out my goals and journalling my hopes. I let myself dream about all the big and scary and challenging and wonderful things 2017 is going to bring.

I started deciding to prioritize sleep. 8 hours shouldn’t be a treat…my life is so much better when I get enough sleep.

I’ve started laying out study plans to get myself where I want to be academically.

I’ve resolved to stop being afraid of Arabic and start LEARNING it for it’s own sake rather than for the grades attached to it.

I’ve started applying for internships.

I’ve discovered where I need to say “no” in order to fully invest myself in everything I do; nothing I do deserves half of my heart. I want to be truly present in few places rather than distracted in many.

I will make time for people but also make time for myself.

I’ve promised to give God the 1st of my time rather than whatever energy I have left at the end of the day. I’ve resolved to ask Him more questions and learn more about what it means to live and love like Jesus.

I’ve resolved to rediscover what it means to be curious. What it means to learn because something catches my interest. To read books not assigned in a syllabus and attend conferences to meet others with the same interests. To go to office hours and get to know my professors.

I’ve started praying for more grace and wisdom.

I’ve started asking for more passion.

I want 2017 to be a year that often makes me a little uncomfortable. A year to seek that flip flop in your stomach before you do something new and the rush of accomplishing something you never believed to be possible.

I am going to continue to try to make my bed. It just didn’t stick this year haha but one day I will be a person who’s room is presentable!!

And on that note, I am going to have an open door. I’m not working in rez because it’s free. I want to know the people I live with. I want to have conversations that go past “how’s school going?”. I want to be a person of warmth and welcome. My door will be propped open more often this semester.

I’m going to stop buying things that don’t serve a unique purpose in my life, consume more intentionally and truly appreciate my possessions.

I’ve decided to work on being healthier, to eat food that makes me feel ready to take on my day, to go back to swimming, to go on more hikes, to prioritize mental wellness.

I’ve decided to stop watching Netflix…not forever, not because it’s inherently bad but because there are so many other things I want to do.

I’m plotting ways to see more of the world. Iceland and then, who knows where!

I’ve decided to write when I want to and not when I feel like I have to. I’ve decided to keep learning guitar.

I’ve sworn to journal more, to keep records of the beauty of life.

A new year isn’t a revolutionary thing. Life isn’t going to change just because the date did. *Sidenote: it’ll take me a solid month to start getting the date right at the top of my notes* But it is a benchmark, an opportunity to leave the past in the past and start anew, to allow yourself to dream and plan and seek new visions. This isn’t an itemized list like last year. Rather, it is a global overview of values and actions that I want to take to make this year the best it can be. I want to put every minute of my time to it’s BEST purpose, whether that purpose is studying, laughing, truly resting, writing, working, talking or whatever. Everything has a time and a place.

I want 2017 to be a year of balance.

What are you dreaming of?

-Until next time, Sam

P.s. Stay tuned for my new word of the year!! I’m super excited about the theme and vision God has given me for 2017 and can’t wait to share that with you all soon 🙂

P.s.s. I did indeed finished the sweater I resolved to knit. Thought you ought to know.

Limbo – a rain of words about blogging

Hey blog, it’s been a while.

Sorry about that. Life just gets busy you know?

There are so many things I could write about but nothing seems quite right as a comeback from two months of silence.

A life update? Basic. And to be honest, not all that interesting.

New Year’s resolutions? Ugh, let’s not even talk about that long list from last year…my intentions were so good, really they were. And some of those things I did accomplish. But lots of them I didn’t.

And 2016 wasn’t exactly what I expected it to. Reflection on this year? I wouldn’t even know where to start.

I’m not speechless very often.

Where is this blog going? What is it’s point?

How do I make time for this hobby that sometimes feels like a chore and other times like a relief from the chaos of life?

Half a real blog but also half diary. Partially about life and also a place to dream.

There are so many things I want to write about. Is this a blog about faith or college life or travel or what? I don’t even  know what my own topic is

I flip flop back and forth between not caring if I only get three views on my posts and wanting to find ways to grow my following, to be a “real” blog with actual content. And then I run back to the time issue and the fact that I’ve never managed to post on a schedule.

I don’t want Sam’s Grand Adventure to a burden.

I find myself paralyzed with writer’s block. I don’t know what to write on this blog and so I write nothing. And yet, I can’t imagine not having a place to write about my trip to Iceland or not being able to look back on things I’ve learned.

Sam’s Grand Adventure is in limbo.

I am in limbo.

I’ll let you all know when I find my way out of it.

Throwing it back

Hey friends! Hope all is well in your crazy lives whether you are back at school or working full time, I hope that you’ve been finding some time here and there to get out and enjoy the last few weeks of sunshine. Summer is slowly on it’s way out…I can feel it in the air! Soon it will be time for ankle boots and blanket scarves and I’m not going to lie, I am pretty excited.

This is my “loving life” smile

This post is going to be the first of several that are pretty different than what I am usually up to around here. Today I stumbled upon a blogging challenge called “Blog-tember“, run by Bailey Jean at Brave Love. It’s basically a series of prompts, one everyday of the month to get you blogging everyday. I know, I know, I’m a little bit late to the party but hey, September has been a little (read, a lot) busy for me between completing my programming requirements for my job, going to meetings, adjusting to new classes and catching up with all my friends here in Ottawa. Suffice to say, I haven’t been thinking about blogging much. But I’d like that to change, I really would. Blogging is something I do just for me, because I enjoy it. So when I saw this challenge, I was curious. When I saw what the topic was for today, I knew it was meant to be!

See, today’s prompt is: A list of your favourite blog posts you’ve written. 

The reason that made me so excited is that earlier today, I did that. Totally unknowingly. I was updating my “About Me” page and decided to include a list of my personal favourite posts to give new readers a place to start. This challenge was meant to be! So here they are, my favourites from the past couple of years. Some are ones that just mean a lot to me personally and others are ones that I am proud of. It was a good reminder today to read through these posts and see how far I’ve come. It made me remember that writing is a passion God gave me for a reason and that I need to be using it.

Speaking of throwbacks, here’s one from when I was just starting to explore Ottawa last year

Have a look through if you’d like, before I bombard ya’ll with a new post everyday (!!!) for the rest of the month! Here’s to making habits and forcing myself to do the things I love and often put off.

Monday Morning

Grateful

I Found My New Favourite City

Nepal – Shaken not Shattered

A simple pause

I will remember

15 things I learned in 2015

Crossing Oceans

Like a Bird

5 Things 1st Year Taught Me

Shawarma dajaaj min fadlik – Reflections on learning Arabic

Adventures in tripping – a little flippin’ never hurt!

Leader-what?

Thanks for reading. Praying you’re having a great evening and that something I wrote may make you smile 🙂

Until next time,

-Sam ❤

Tears over teeth

I loved playing baseball. I really did. It was my fifth season, my team was great and so was the coach. We were warming up before a game when it happened. The pitcher tossed me the ball and it just managed to skim past the top of my glove to hit me smack in the mouth. I lost my front tooth.

That was 7 years ago and I’m still dealing with the repercussions of the event today. It may seem like a small thing – there are so many worse things to happen to a person. But for me, this missing tooth has been something that has followed me for years. It never seems to end and it always pops back up at the most inconvenient times.

Like when my flipper (fake tooth on a retainer) broke at a Christmas banquet and I was so upset and insecure about it that I spent the night hiding in the bathroom. It’s really hard to feel pretty when you look like a pirate.

Or the years and years of jokes about looking like a hill billy/pirate/hobo/Nanny Macfee/fill in the blank. Sometimes it was funny, sure. But most of the time it was just incredibly frustrating to look like a joke when I ate or was going to bed and couldn’t wear my flipper.

Spending my March break recovering from surgery.

Having a crown shatter the day after I got it…and being told that it was the first time the dentist had ever seen that happen.

He said the same thing to me today after telling me I have to have another surgery because of bone loss around my implant. After 20 years of placing implants and crowns, he said he has never seen one go the way mine has. Gum infections and broken parts galore. Classic Sam luck.

There isn’t really a point to this post. I was just sad about it today. I hope one day it’ll all be in the past. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to play baseball again, not really. And I did love it. I also have acquired a legitimate fear of the dentist. I get anxious about appointments days in advance and can’t help but cry when I get fillings or they have to mess around with my fake tooth again like they did today. It may sound silly but I hate it so much.

7 years ago I got hit in the face with a baseball. Today I spent 3 of my  precious 48hrs off in a dentists chair getting my fake tooth removed and my gums lazered to try and stop them from getting re-infected. It sucked.

Still, I am grateful. I keep forcing myself to be thankful for access to dentistry and a dentist who cares enough to keep promising me that it will all work out eventually.

At the end of the day, I’m alive. I’m healthy. I’m happy. Life is good, tooth or no tooth.

-Until next time, Sam ❤

This was last summer, the day I thought would be my last toothless day…the crown shattered the next morning.

 

Get Out

I spend all my time dreaming about being outside. I think about my next hike, next canoe trip, next adventure while sitting inside typing essays, answering questions and reading endless textbook pages. I feel like I never have time to do what I love. How do I make time to breath and get out on the trail?

1) Stop waiting to have enough time. One of the biggest problems I think is that I get so caught up in waiting for a free weekend to plan an overnight that I forget about the green space that is right around the corner. Sure, I may not always be able to head out to a provincial park or be in complete natural isolation but even just an hour hike in the bluffs near my school would be better than nothing. Rather than waiting for the perfect adventure, I think we need to learn to make our own adventure. Next time you have a free minute, don’t sit down and catch up on Netflix. Grab your coat and go explore the outdoors around you.

2) Do it on your own terms. I hate running. Like really, truly hate everything about it. Want to know what I don’t hate? Hiking. I will hike 15 kilometers in a day with 40 pounds on my back no problem. It’s my pace, I get to see more and I enjoy my time in the outdoors that way. Don’t let anyone tell you the right or wrong way to spend time outside. Hate canoeing? Try kayaking! Not into sleeping on the ground? There’s nothing wrong with having an RV! Even if you’d prefer just to sit out in the sun and read a good book, getting out of the house will make you feel so much better. Fresh oxygen and vitamin D!

3) Just do it. Put down your phone. Don’t make excuses. Disconnect for a minute and spend time just being. The reason getting outdoors is so important is that it reminds us that we are part of nature. It reminds us that there is silence and stillness in the world and it shows us the things that were here long before we were and that will remain after we are gone. Yet somehow it isn’t a scary feeling. It is peaceful and beautiful.

Screens and noise and the panic of civilization can rob us of the chance to be still. Get out of the city or at least out the house

Dernier Danse by Indila

This song has been on repeat the past couple days!

I Found My New Favourite City

Château Chillion

I think I’m jealous of my own life. Is that possible? I’m not sure exactly how to explain it but it’s like today was so wonderful that I’m jealous of my former self. I can’t go back and live today again so I’m jealous of myself today. I have no idea if that makes any sense at all but it’s not a bad feeling. You know you’re doing life the right way when you wish you could redo your day right? Looking through all these pictures makes me want to rewind!

So today I went with my host parents (Amen had to stay home and study again *sad face*) to a town called Montreux. which is on the edge of Lake Geneva and faces a group of mountains. It’s absolutely breathtaking. I’ve passed it on my way to other places at least 3 times now, to and from Berne, to and from Zurich, to and from Sion. And every single time I’ve had the same thought; I have to go there before I leave. Today was finally that day and it was even better than I imagined. It’s the first place that I’ve been able to see myself living so clearly. All day I was thinking “I want to live here one day. I can see myself living here.” That and “Holy cow I’m blessed. Is this real life?” Haha, it’s an adorable little town and I loved it. Apparently it has an amazing jazz fest in the fall too. It’s probably one of my favourite places I’ve visited right up there with Dublin and Old Quebec City. One day, even if I don’t get to live there, I want to visit again 🙂

There’s also a famous château called Chillon right on the water that I went and walked around in with Laye. It’s amazingly well preserved and you actually feel like you’re in past. The best was the incredible views of the lake and the mountains you got when you climbed to the top of the tower! We also had a picnic lunch by the lake and then drove to the next town over, Vevey which (fun fact) is where Charlie Chaplin died! I know, I should let other people tell me they’re fun. If you didn’t get that reference, we can’t be friends sorry. Just kidding! 😉

Me and my good friend Charlie

 

In Vevey we walked along the water front some more, visited the Food Musuem (yes, that is actually a thing) and competed in the fork contest. There is a giant fork in the lake and you had to take a picture with it…here’s mine.

So anyway, that was my lovely day. I hope you all a had a lovely day too. I took a lot of pictures but I’ve figured out this fancy new way to display my pictures in a pretty gallery so I hope you enjoy them! If you click through, you can see the captions I’ve set for some them. Montreux and Vevey were both incredibly picturesque and worthy of having lots of pictures taken! There are also a few from yesterday when I went for a horseback ride at a farm and for a walk downtown to take typical touristy pics with the famous Geneva fountain! That’s all for now, school tomorrow which I don’t  think is something to be jealous of! But hey, make the most of everyday right? 🙂

My buddy 🙂

Aww, Amen’s adorable

Cheesy tourist picture in Geneva

First glimpse of the castle!

Someone recreated famous paintings with LEGO…

Teeny tiny windows!

Staring out…

Secret passages were everywhere!

Now I have a quill ink and I’ve been to a castle….seriously, call me Harry Potter

Another tourist picture…I’m over it

Laye 🙂

I wish I was on that boat, can I move here yet?

Is this real?

The famous fork!

Thumbs up for this beautiful place!

I’m still a tourist

Pure beauty

Just An After School Trip To Narnia

Okay so maybe it’s not exactlllly Narnia, but today after school I went and had a look around the neighbourhood…turns out there’s a forest and gorgeous river at the end of the road! It was absolutely beautiful and it did feel like you were in some kind of fairytale or fantasy world…like Narnia! I’m not the greatest photographer and back home it’s not something I even really do but here, everywhere I go is just so breathtaking that I feel compelled to try my best to capture it! Hopefully you can at least get a sense of how amazing Switzerland is! Anyway, this is one of my new favourite places in Geneva 🙂      

Hey! Check it out!

Hey guys, so a couple of my friends are running blogs about their exchange experience so if you’re enjoying mine, maybe you’ll like theirs too!

Eva:  http://3monthsofswitzerland.wordpress.com/posts/

Grace: http://gracemcgowan13.blogspot.ca/

Enjoy 🙂

Today, I Fell Down A Mountain

Salut! Wow, these last two weeks have absolutely flown by, I’ve been super busy. Not even busy per say, more just settled into life I guess which is always busy. There have been however several occasions that probably called for their own blog post but I’ve just been lazy/unmotivated/otherwise occupied to write. So here it is! The summery of the last two weeks, abridged! (And then you can laugh at today’s embarrassing story)

First was my birthday on the fifth. One of the best things about my birthday was that even though I wasn’t at home, I had a bundle of letters and cards to read through from some of my friends and family which made it extra special! Thank to Mom, Dad, Auntie Susie, the Quinns, Moriah and Victoria, you guys rock! I also came home after school (half day Wednesdays are amazinggg) to a special lunch and presents from my host family! 🙂 Skype with some family back home and lots of Facebook messages made it an overall great day! Seventeen and still can’t drive hehe #SamProblems. Then again, I AM in Switzerland, not a #SamProblem There was also a joint birthday picnic by the river for me and Yandira on the Saturday which was lots and lots of fun.

On another note, can we just quickly address the fact the BAGELS DON’T EXIST IN EUROPE. Personally, I think that’s a tragedy so I made some for my host family, they were both confused and amazed and wanted to know why I was boiling bread and putting holes in perfectly good rolls. Now however, they love them and I have a feeling I’ll be baking them again soon! (Also, you can buy yeast in a gas station in Europe)

I also went on yet another adventure this week, by train and with a bunch of people who, for once, speak English! Woo! Who you may be asking? The other exchange students of course! Wow, that last sentence sounds way lamer than I thought it was going to but I’m leaving it in anyway wanna know why? It’s my blog and I can sound lame if I wanna, lame if I wanna. Okay, sorry. Please don’t leave and never come back. I’m getting to the funny story about my public humilation soon, I promise. So right, Bern! Or Berne, depending on if you speak French or German. Which for the record is a very interesting sounding language.

I got to meet up with a bunch of the people I had met on the flight, SPEAK ENGLISH for a whole day (!) and basically catch up on everyone’s experiences while touring the Capitol City of Switzerland. Combine that with getting to miss school for the day and you get a good trip. I feel bad for everyone else who was in our train car because a bunch of kids who have been barely able to communicate for weeks are VERY loud. We all were talking over each other and yelling every time someone said something relate able! There was also a Harry Potter incident that resulted in tears…

To sum that day up, English, friendship, laughter, cathedral, museum, more laughter, more English, shopping, Toblorone McFlurries, bread, annnnnd to all of you who wanted to be mentioned, Sarah, Olivia, Grace, Michael, Owen, Alex, Chelsea, Eva, Valerie, Tori, uhhh yep think that’s everyone 🙂

And finally the moment you’ve all been waiting for (I hope you all realise I found a productive use of my embarrassment by making you all read my blog heheh sneaky). Today Amen and I went to France to do some skiing. With my florescent pink snowpants, and Canadian mitts, it should have been a great day. But then came the too small ski boots dun dun dun duhhhh. I told the guy they didn’t fit but did he listen? Noooo. On second though, maybe my French is just so bad he couldn’t understand “trop petit!” But I decided to trust the professional. Afterall, I hadn’t work ski boots in years, maybe they were supposed to be that tight? Right?

Wrong. I could feel my feet by the time we got to the top. After only 2 runs my legs were literally giving out on me from lack of blood (When I later took the boots off, my feet and lower legs were actually blue). But I didn’t want to ruin the day so I just grinned and bared it. Until I couldn’t. Because although I realized today that I actually still am quite a good skier,  when your feet are numb, it’s kind of hard to keep control. And so down I went. Please keep in mind this is not Snow Valley. These are the freaking Alps. But you know what I was okay. I stopped grabbed the ski that had gone flying and tried to put it back on. And that, my friends is when I REALLY fell. Like head over heels, half rolling, half sliding, unable to stop and trying desperately to hold onto my poles and remaining ski. I crashed into one guy and he went down, crashed into another which send me going backwards. Wanna know where I finally came to a stop? In front of the packed ski chalet, where there were probably 50-80 people staring at me and laughing. Yep. I probably have the worst luck ever. Amen came and helped me up after she finished laughing and some guys had picked up my dropped equipment for me. For the record, not hurt haha so that is one bonus. And that was the end of my ski day. I returned the stupid too small boots and headed out. Sorry, one tumble like that is enough for this girl!

I was pretty frustrated that my day hadn’t gone as planned but you know, everything happens for a reason. I will never know the reason God didn’t want me up on that mountain this afternoon, but it was probably a good thing with my track record haha. Anyway, hope you guys back home are all doing well 🙂 Missing you, but having a good time. That’s all for now, enjoy your snow and this large and random assortment of photos from the last two weeks…take a look a what I’m expected to do in gym class, handstands and balance beams and front flips oh my!

– Sam